What are Cognitive Distortions and How do They Affect Us?

“by Carolyn Hedley”

Most of the time, reality seems clear-cut and obvious, right?  But have you really thought about how much of reality we're seeing and how much we're perceiving? We perceive and even create our own reality affecting our relationships, our work life, and our personal life. We turn perception into fact without us even knowing it. You can see how this may become a problem in our lives. In fact, this is how cognitive distortions come about. In this blog, I'll be talking about what cognitive distortions are, 10 examples of cognitive distortions, as well as ways to recognize and change these thought patterns.

What is a Cognitive Distortion

If you've looked into cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), the phrase cognitive distortions may sound familiar. A brief definition of a cognitive distortion is an irrational and perceived thought that we take as fact. Even though these thoughts are entirely perceived usually without any evidence, we take them as the absolute truth. We become stuck in these negative thought patterns and many people, especially those with anxiety, depression, and other mental disorders, will feel trapped within them.

As you can imagine, this greatly affects our mental health. What CBT therapists do is help clients recognize the distorted thoughts and change them to more positive ones. This way we can filter our perceptions from the facts. 

Browse through this list and see if you can recognize the thought patterns that you've had.

All or Nothing Thinking

This is also called black and white thinking. It means that you look at a situation in absolutes. Either something is right or wrong. If you're not a success then you are a failure. This is a very limiting way to think as you discount other possibilities in a situation. 

Example: You trained diligently for the chance to win a marathon and when you competed in the race, you came in second place. You think, “I’m loser because I’m not first.” Even though second place is still worth something. 

Over-Generalization

With this distortion, you’ll view a negative situation as a stream of never-ending negative situations. A person with this cognitive distortion may say "This always happens to me" or "This never happens to me." This kind of thinking takes any control you may have over the situation away from you.

Example: You frequently stop by your favorite coffee shop before work. On one particular morning, a woman is taking a long time ordering and you’re concerned you might be late. Exasperated, you think, “This always happens to me.” 

Mental Filter

With this cognitive distortion, you’ll filter a situation and focus solely on the negative. You may make a mistake on a task and instead of thinking about the many good things you did, you focus on that single mistake.

Example: You’ve prepared a presentation to give for work and, understandably, you’re nervous. You gave the presentation and accidentally slipped up on a word. At the end of your presentation, many co-workers speak to you about the good ideas you presented. However, you’re beating yourself up over the slip up you had during the presentation. 

Discounting the Positives

With Discounting the Positives, you dismiss any positive things you've done. This is actually quite similar to the Mental Filter cognitive distortion, but there’s a difference and you’ll see it in the example below. 

Example: You received a perfect score on a test and thought to yourself, "Well the test was extremely easy and I was really lucky in a lot of those answers." You aren’t counting the time you spent studying or taking notes. 

Jumping to Conclusions

This one is fairly obvious and there are actually two kinds of jumping to conclusions

Mind reading - You assume you know what others are thinking and believe that others are thinking poorly of you.

Fortune telling - You assume you know something bad is going to happen.

Mind Reading Example: If you wave to a person who doesn't wave back, you may jump to the conclusion that they don't like you or are personally snubbing you. However, they may not have seen you. 

Fortune Telling Example: If you have a speech to give and you're nervous, you may feel like it will be so obvious that you're nervous and everyone will judge you because of it. You’ve already decided the outcome before anything happened. However, you could sound calm and confident. Even if you do slip up or sound a little nervous, people will be understanding because speaking in front of others is universally terrifying.

Magnification and Minimization

With this distortion, you may magnify a situation to be greater than it is or minimize the situation to be less than what it is. These often go hand in hand.

Magnifying Example: If you're a shy person, you may believe that this is a terrible flaw that is shameful and abnormal. In this case, you’re greatly magnifying a trait that you perceive as a flaw.

Minimizing Example: You may minimize all of your social strengths such as your humor or kindness, believing they don’t make up for the one big flaw you’re magnifying. 

Emotional Reasoning

Because you feel a certain way, you believe a certain thing. Basically, your present feelings are dictating false facts of the situation to you. You may tell yourself, “I feel dumb and therefore I am dumb.” Anyone else hearing that Nirvana song? Just me? Cool.

Example: If you feel overwhelmed, you may believe your problems are unsolvable. While it may feel like your problems are unsolvable, once you ground yourself and focus you may find that you can solve the problems even if they’re difficult. 

Should Statements

With should statements, you criticize yourself and/or other people by using the words should, ought, must, or have to. This one deserves two examples because it’s that common.

Example 1: You may tell yourself that you shouldn't feel so anxious and feel like something is wrong with you.

Example 2: You may believe that you should always look confident and never look foolish.

Labeling

With this distortion, you identify yourself or others from a generalized and perceived flaw or shortcoming. By doing this, you misjudge others and yourself. This also deserves two examples.

Example 1: You may think that because you're shy you are a weirdo and an awkward person. 

Example 2: You notice that someone at work left a used paper towel in the break room. Because of this, you believe this person is a slob. However, the person may be quite tidy but just didn’t realize they left their paper towel there.

Blame

In this one, you assign blame for problems in your life. There are two versions of this.

Self Blame - You beat yourself up when you make a mistake. You'll also blame yourself for things you aren't in control of and aren't responsible for.

Other Blame - You blame others for negative events without taking any responsibility yourself or accepting that it was in no one’s control.

Self Blame Example: Someone ate your lunch at work and you think, “It’s my fault for not writing my name on my lunch box.”

Other Blame Example: You ate someone else’s lunch at work. When they confront you about it you say, “It’s your fault for not specifying it was your lunch by writing your name on it.”

How Do You Correct Cognitive Distortions?

The first way to correct them is to notice them. Start paying attention to what you’re saying to yourself. By being mindful of your inner dialogue, you’ll be able to pinpoint cognitive distortions. 

Once you start recognizing them, it’s time to put them to the test. Challenge these thoughts by asking “where is the evidence to prove this?” or “Is there more to the story I’m not considering?” Collect only the facts about the situation and compare the facts to your perception. The best way to beat a cognitive distortion is to challenge it with the truth. 

Finally, replace the cognitive distortion with a different and more positive thought. So let’s take the example from Over-Generalization. You believe you’re always held up in a line before work and are almost late because of it. Does this really happen to you every day? Did this happen to you the day before? 

Once you challenge the distortion with the facts, you can change it to something more realistic and possibly find a solution to a problem. With our example, you could say, “I’m not stuck in line every day, but it does happen sometimes. If it becomes frequent, maybe I can come into the shop earlier to buy my coffee without worrying about being late for work.” With this thought, you’ve not only defeated the distortion, but you’ve also taken control of the situation and came up with a plan. 

Even recognizing cognitive distortions, we won’t always be perfect in fixing them. If you’re feeling overwhelmed by your negative thoughts, consider attending counseling. A therapist can help you identify cognitive distortions and give you the tools you need to change your negative thought patterns. 

Read more from Carolyn at carolynhedley.com

How to get the most out of video counseling

Since 2020 I’ve offered video counseling and phone counseling. While the majority of my clients report having a positive experience with this kind of therapy, it can be an adjustment for some. While nothing can make video counseling feel exactly like live sessions, here are some things that might help you get the most out of online counseling:

Find a quiet place and get comfortable 

When i had a physical office space, I tried my best to make it a welcoming and peaceful place. When people are relaxed, they engage more in the session and open up more easily. Do your best to do this for yourself. Have a pillow to lean against and keep a drink nearby. Consider keeping a blanket nearby if you tend to get chilly. If there is a lot of background noise where you are, consider turning on some quiet background music—something mellow is usually best.

Choose your hardware wisely

You have a lot of options when it comes to the tech you use for video counseling, but what you choose will impact your experience somewhat. If you have a desktop computer with a webcam available, that’s probably going to be your best bet. A laptop works too, but either way it’s best to connect to the internet over an ethernet cable rather than through WiFi. If that’s not an option WiFi should work fine, but the video quality might not be quite as clear.

I’d recommend using your smartphone as a last resort, as this will tend to be the lowest quality, but I’ve also had many online counseling sessions where the client used a phone without problems. Video quality is more important to some, less to others, but it’s something to consider.

Headphones are also a great idea, both for privacy and to minimize distractions.

Ask for privacy, but be patient and flexible

If you live with other people, don’t assume your housemates will know to leave you alone. Many will assume that they’ll need to not bother you for an hour during your online counseling session, but they may not realize how important privacy is if they’ve never gone to counseling before.

It doesn’t hurt to make it clear what you need, and it helps to remind them again before the session starts.  This is especially true with children and teens, who may not understand that you need complete privacy, or may make their own choices as to what constitutes an “emergency” worth interrupting over.

However, don’t be afraid to talk to your housemates about this--Most people will understand and do their best to respect your privacy. However, try to be patient with other people in your house. Remember that they’re also undergoing major transitions, and an interruption or two isn’t likely to completely derail a session.

If privacy is especially important to you, consider leaving the house for a bit. I’ve had more than a few great sessions that were conducted while the client was sitting in their car connected to a McDonald’s WiFi. 

Be adaptable

While many people still prefer in-person sessions, over the last few years I’ve found video and phone counseling to be effective and enjoyable for clients. Frankly, after the first few minutes of a session, I start to forget that I’m not sharing a room with the person--it just feels like a normal conversation. Several of my clients have said the same. 

The worst experiences have been due to technical problems--you may have noticed your internet is slower these days, a result of seemingly everybody being online at the same time. There’s just not a lot we can do about that, unfortunately. If we have a bad enough connection, phone counseling is a good backup solution we can switch to.

Get organized

It can sometimes feel like an hour-long online counseling session isn’t enough to cover all the possible subjects.

One thing that can help with this is to be more organized. Keep a notebook with you during sessions to jot down notes and ideas, and refer back to it regularly between sessions. Write down questions or random thoughts you have and share them at your next session. This simple exercise can help you get the most out of your video counseling sessions. 

I hope that this can help everyone with the transition! If you have any questions or concerns about video counseling in Oklahoma, please feel free to reach out

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I’m now offering video counseling to all residents of Oklahoma. Get help today with feelings of anxiety, panic, depression, isolation, and more. Mindfulness-based online counseling can help with adapting to the changes brought on by the COVID-19 pandemic, along with the other stressors and challenges already present in your life. Find out more about the services I offer through video counseling in Oklahoma or schedule today!

Accepting the uncomfortable parts of life

Life is especially challenging for a lot of people right now, but if we’re honest with ourselves we realize that life is always complicated. There are always challenges and disappointments, and things often don’t work out the way we expect or want them to.

When these things arise, our first response is usually to avoid them or control them--to get as far away from them as we can, or do whatever it takes to change them or make them go away. 

In practicing mindfulness, we learn to recognize that this response often just intensifies our thoughts and feelings--our fears get bigger and more intense, our pain becomes more overwhelming.  We also learn that facing these challenges and acknowledging them is often the better solution.

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Try this: 

Take out a sheet of paper and a pen. Write out a sentence or phrase that expresses one of the thoughts or feelings that are challenging you today. Here are a few examples I made up:

• I don’t know what’s going to happen next

• My kids are driving me crazy

• I’m filled with anxiety

• I’m bored and lonely and it’s getting worse

• My pantry is starting to look bare

Try to capture whatever feels most pressing. Make the letters really big. Take up the whole page. Use color if you want to have some fun.

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Now sit back in your chair and look at the paper. Really look at it.

Think about the words. Think about what they mean. Give your brain permission to free-associate all it wants, coming up with solutions and contingencies, running through hypotheticals and what-ifs. 

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Now take a really good, deep breath. Maybe two or three.

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Notice your body. Notice any tension it might have. How fast your heart is beating, and whether your breathing has changed.

Recognize that this is what your emotion feels like. This is what that emotion is supposed to feel like. 

Accept that your emotion has a right to be there. If you’re feeling fear, it’s probably because something is scaring you. If you’re feeling loneliness, it’s probably because you’re disconnected from people who matter. Accept that your emotion is telling you something, and that it belongs.

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Now ask yourself what there is to be done. If there’s anything reasonable and realistic that could be done. Those are important words, because our brain is great at coming up with “well if X wasn’t true, then I could definitely do Y,” which is all well and good except that X is true, so Y is a lot harder or maybe even impossible.

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Be really honest with yourself. Can you reasonably expect yourself to do anything about the situation causing you this emotion?

If you come up with something do it. Like, right now if you can. Take care of that thing you’ve been putting off. Call the person who called you back. Fill out that job application.

Then remind yourself that it’s ok to let go. That not everything can be completed today. Not every problem can be solved by you personally, and expecting yourself to do everything all the time is a great recipe for feeling like you suck and everything all the time.

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If only for today, be nice to fears, your anger, your loneliness, your whatever. Treat that part of yourself with empathy and kindness. You’re likely to find that these emotions are less difficult to have around, and that you like yourself better too.

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Be well.
Take care of yourself and others.

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Need Counseling in Oklahoma? I now offer video counseling to all residents of Oklahoma. Visit my scheduling page to schedule an appointment today!

Intentions

As you begin your week, take a second to reflect on some of the things you would like to focus on this week. What do you care about right now? What feels most important? What is most deserving of your energy?

If that feels overwhelming, that’s OK! They’re questions with MANY possible answers. The point isn’t to answer the questions, just to ask them.

Life is complicated, and there’s always more to do than we have time for. Setting an intention helps clarify your values and direct your limited time and energy in a way that seems most wise

I hope you’ll share your intentions for the week in the comments. Sharing with others can help with accountability, as well as provide support and inspiration.

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For me, I’m setting the intention to practice what I preach.

Part of why I got into counseling was because when crises happen, my first impulse is to look for ways I can help myself and the people around me persevere and find hope. This works pretty well in a one-on-one counseling setting, and it works with friends and family as well. It’s a lot less adaptable when it comes to global pandemics. I spent most of last week reeling, trying to make sure my family was as protected as I could and trying to figure out ways to help those around me. But thanks to the internet and the scope of this crisis, “those around me” feels more and more like “millions and billions of people.” It was more than a little intimidating, and proved great fodder for my anxious brain.

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This week, I’m grateful for the ideas that anxiety generated, but I’m ready to practice a skill I’ve been teaching my clients for years:

I’m ready to accept things I can’t change--the scope of the COVID-19 outbreak, the response of politicians and the public at large, the uncertainty of how our lives and society will change, just to name a few.

Instead, I can focus on what I can do, using the tools and skills I have at the moment.

There are things that many of us can do, like practicing social distancing, encouraging others to do the same, and using extra care with hand washing. In addition, I can use my skills, training, and education to help a handful of people in front of me.

I can continue to counsel the few dozen people who see me as clients. I can write songs and stories to entertain, inspire, and encourage. 

I also have 148 people who follow my business page on Facebook, and I can offer some support to them too. 

To that end, I’ll be posting more content in the future, aimed at helping provide a space for community discussion, sharing of resources and information, as well as reminding people to have hope and do their best through this challenging time. If you’re reading this, then most likely you’re part of those 148 followers, and I’m speaking directly to you. I hope you’ll talk back, and help me help you. Let me know what your challenges are and what you most need.

Be well.
Take care of yourself and others.

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Need Counseling in Oklahoma? I now offer video counseling to all residents of Oklahoma. Visit my scheduling page to schedule an appointment today!

Psychological Flexibility -- Adapt, Respond, and ACT

Do you catch yourself repeating the same mistakes over and over again? Do you struggle with bad habits? Do you have a hard time learning new ways of doing things? Learning to improve your psychological flexibility might be part of the answer.

Psychological flexibility is our ability to make realistic choices based on our values and goals rather than our feelings and impulses. It is the ability to know when to act, when to wait, and when to change course.

With psychological flexibility, we learn how to do what works. We learn how to stay the course when things get difficult. But we also learn how to adjust when the original plan no longer makes sense. 

Imagine you lost your job. You would be upset, of course. Depending on the circumstances, you might feel sad, angry, or let down. You might be stressed about finding a new job and continuing to support yourself and your family. All of this is natural and understandable. However, the thoughts and feelings that naturally arise from this situation can lead to an inflexible and unproductive approach.

In this scenario, some examples of psychological inflexibility might include:

• Struggling to accept that the change has occurred. 

• Spending an excessive amount of energy on “what ifs” and “should haves” trying to figure out what went wrong in a vain attempt to rewrite history. 

• Pretending like everything is fine, and that you don’t care about the job loss. 

• Being overly critical about yourself and blaming yourself for things outside of your control or understanding. 

• Blaming others or taking out your pain on friends and loved ones.

• Getting absorbed by thoughts of being a failure or being hopeless. 

• Assuming that because you feel bad about yourself, other people also think badly about you (and that their negative opinions are right!).

• Getting lost in thought to the point that you can’t focus on finding a new job.

• Seeing yourself as fundamentally changed now that you lost the job.

• Engaging in numbing, avoidance, or distraction and focusing on things that feel better in the short term.

• Procrastinating, or refusing to make new plans.

It’s easy to see why psychological inflexibility can be so problematic.

In all of these examples, the feelings involved are understandable and deserve validation. It’s natural to be upset over losing something important. It’s natural to be anxious about the unknown. However, when we allow these feelings to be in the driver’s seat, we tend to hurt ourselves in the long run.

Being psychologically inflexible can be detrimental to our lives. When we make decisions purely based on emotion and habit, we tend to be less effective and skillful. We make our lives harder for ourselves. When we don’t actively apply lessons learned from experiences, we tend to repeat our mistakes.

With psychological flexibility, we can learn how to adapt to even the most difficult situations.

In the example of job loss, we apply the ACT Core concepts as well as we can. 

• Acceptance: 

  • We accept that the job was lost and that our lives must now change in some way. We accept whatever uncomfortable thoughts and feelings that might come along with it, understanding that it’s natural to feel discomfort or pain when things don’t go the way we like

• Cognitive Defusion: 

  • We recognize that, although it’s natural to feel bad when something bad happens, we do not have to treat our thoughts and feelings as literal or 100% true. When an unpleasant thought arises (“I’m a failure”) we recognize that this is just a thought. We don’t have to believe the content of the thought and treat it as truth. 

• Being present

  • We don’t get hung up on thoughts about when we had the job. Instead, we acknowledge that “having the job” is now in the past, and “not having the job” is what is occurring in the present. Likewise, we don’t get hung up on our fears about the future; instead, we recognize that there’s a limited amount that we can do to predict and plan for the future. 

• Self as Context

  • We learn to not define ourselves in such a rigid, narrow way. We recognize that we existed and had worth before having the job, and we still exist and have worth now that the job is lost. The job loss is unfortunate and unpleasant, but it does not rob us of who we are.

• Values

  • Tune in to what is important to you in your life. Regardless of what your values are, they can serve as a guide in adapting to the job loss. 

• Committed Action

  • Once you figure out what you want to do, now comes the time to make it happen. Committed Action means applying the mental and physical effort necessary to achieve your goals. This can take the form of setting goals, learning new habits, recovering from mistakes, or sometimes just practicing patience.

Tuning into ourselves increases psychological flexibility

Meditation and other mindfulness activities can help you be more psychologically flexible. Learning how to tune in with yourself will help you become more aware of your reactions, your habits, and your thoughts and feelings. This information helps with making committed actions in line with your values.

Counseling can also help increase psychological flexibility. Meeting with a Tulsa ACT counselor can help you learn new ways of practicing acceptance and defusion, and change the relationship you have with yourself

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Mental Health Services at Gray Matters in Tulsa, Oklahoma

At Gray Matters Counseling in Tulsa, OK I practice Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. I help people in the Tulsa area with a variety of mental health concerns, including counseling for depression and therapy for anxiety. The LGBTQ community, young adults and therapy for men are a few of my focus populations. Being a young adult is hard. You don’t have to navigate this alone. If you learn some new skills, practice mindfulness and talk things through with an ACT therapist, you can make meaningful change in your life. Email me today to learn more about how mindfulness-based therapy can help you move forward, be more decisive and feel less overwhelmed.