Mindfulness
What is Mindfulness?
Maybe you’ve heard the word “mindfulness” or “meditation” before and you feel like you have a general idea what the term means….but you just aren’t sure. It’s important that we start with a common definition of mindfulness.
Simply put, mindfulness is about tuning into what’s going on in your present experience.
Our experiences can be divided between internal and external experiences (though there’s often overlap between the two).
Being mindful of our external lives helps us respond more effectively and appropriately to the things happening in our immediate surroundings
Being mindful of our internal world helps us respond to our thoughts, emotions, memories, and perceptions in a way that is more intentional and wise.
Can Mindfulness or Meditation Really Help?
I tell anyone who will listen about the benefits of starting a mindfulness practice. Personally, I’ve been practicing mindfulness in a variety of ways for almost two years, and I can confidently say that it’s changed my life in subtle but powerful ways.
React vs Respond
One major skill that mindfulness improves is the ability to respond rather than react.
You already know that your mind and body often react without your input. You jump when you hear a loud noise. You feel excitement when you see an old friend. You grab that bag of Doritos because you’re hungry and it’s right there at the grocery store checkout. We’re constantly reacting to things happening both inside and outside of ourselves.
Often we react before our conscious mind even has time to realize we’re doing anything. You probably have countless experiences like this.
Responding is the ability to see what is happening internally or externally, consider it, and make a decision about what to do. These responses are typically more thought out and more in line with our values (who we are and who we want to be), whereas reactions tend to be so fast that they gravitate towards the quickest and simplest solution available without much consideration for long-term effects or consequences.
Other Benefits of Mindfulness
Improved mental and emotional health
I regularly incorporate the principles of mindfulness into my counseling practice. My favorite method of therapy, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, is built on these principles, and is scientifically shown to be useful in helping people with a variety of issues, including depression, anxiety, trauma, relationships, and identity issues.
An increased ability to reduce stress and tension in the body
Our bodies are incredibly reactive. One thing that I noticed through mindfulness practice was that almost every time my senses pick up a stimulus (a thought, a sound, etc), there’s a physical reaction within my body. It’s often very slight, like a slight twitch of a muscle in the direction of an unexpected sound, but it’s very real. Our bodies tense up when our mind notices something new, especially when it’s threatening. Mindfulness can help you become more aware of this increase in tension and allow you to release some of it, helping it not build up in your body over the course of days or months.
Reduce the impact of pain and discomfort
It’s reasonable to want to reduce pain and discomfort, and if you can do so without too much trouble, you definitely should. If you have a headache, take an aspirin or two. But much of the pain in life is inevitable and unavoidable. Obvious examples are chronic pain or illness, but many of the things we all crave contain pain as an unavoidable ingredient. If you’ve ever been in love, raised a child, or gone to the gym, you’ve experienced pain in the midst of something positive. Trying to escape pain (physical or emotional) can lead to avoidance, unhealthy coping skills, and overall worsening mental health. Mindfulness can help accept pain and allow space for it. The pain doesn’t necessarily go away, but we stop fighting it and making things worse.
How do I use mindfulness? Where? When?
The following is the absolute basics on how to get started:
Find somewhere quiet, without a lot of distractions. If it’s your first time, the quieter the better.
Set a timer. If it’s your first time, try to start with 5 minutes. I’d recommend using an alarm that makes a soothing sound so that it doesn’t startle you when it goes off.
Sit comfortably. A chair or bed work fine, or you can sit or kneel on a pillow on the floor. Any position is fine, don’t overthink it. You don’t want to be so comfortable that you fall asleep (laying down isn’t recommended), but comfortable enough that you can sit for a little while.
Take a slow, deep breath. Hold it for a few seconds, then breathe out just as slowly. Repeat this a few times.
Focus your attention on your breathing. Where your breath enters and leaves your body. Your stomach and chest rising and falling. Pay attention to the sensation.
When (not if) you get distracted and your mind wanders off, gently remind yourself to return to the breath.
It really is that simple! The hardest part is doing it often and staying with it. I recommend sitting meditation to learn the basics of mindfulness, but once you get the hang of it you can do it anywhere. You might be surprised how useful it is to be able to check in with your body and mind.
A Tip for Beginners: Think About Trying Guided Meditation
For beginners, I recommend using guided meditation to help you learn meditation skills and to start practicing with a little help from others further along in their mindfulness practice. There are a lot of different apps out there for people to use to practice meditation. Some are better for beginner than others. However, most offer you some guidance and direction that can make meditation much easier when you’re first learning to control your awareness.
The Calm App for Meditation
I personally use Calm, a fantastic app with high-quality guided meditation training, along with tons of options for calming music and sounds for concentration and sleep, deep breathing and yoga practice, and tools for helping with sleep. It does cost $9.99 a month, which seems steep for a lot of people, but think of it this way: you probably pay the same for Netflix. A meditation practice is usually not as fun as binging your favorite show, but it will bring positivity to your life at least as much as streaming TV, probably more. (No, this isn’t a paid advertisement--I’ve been using this app for years and I really like it).
Another Meditation app: headspace
I have also tried out Headspace, an app similar to calm. It seems really good too (Headspace also has a fantastic YouTube channel that I refer to often). If you’re looking for free options, there’s probably millions of guided meditations on YouTube or wherever you get audio/video content. I have a list of videos I like here.
Things to remember about mindfulness
Mindfulness will not quiet your mind or make your thoughts go away.
Our minds think--that’s their job. Trying to stop the thoughts will only cause increased anxiety and frustration. Instead, mindfulness teaches us to let the mind wander as it will, letting thoughts and emotions come and go as they please. We observe our thoughts, acknowledge them, and then let them go whenever they’re ready. It’s really tough at first, but be patient with yourself. A great exercise to practice this is Leaves on a Stream
Mindfulness is not about “feeling better,” at least not directly
It’s very common to feel a sense of peace and calm after practicing mindfulness. It’s a really cool feeling that I think you will enjoy. However, it’s not the point. Remembering this can help for those inevitable times when you use all the tips, tricks, and mantras you know, and still have a difficult time practicing. This can lead to feelings of frustration and disappointment, and can eventually lead to giving up altogether. The point of mindfulness is practicing. The true benefits (discussed above) show up in smaller, subtler ways throughout your day-to-day life.
Mindfulness practice is just that—practice
This means there’s no “finishing” or “mastering.” The skills learned through mindfulness are extremely challenging for most people, and so it helps to approach it with an acceptance that it will be difficult, it will challenge you, and you might never feel “good” at it in the way you might be good at fixing a car, playing volleyball, or writing an essay. Mindfulness is about acknowledging and accepting what is and learning to deal with it more effectively. It sounds simple, but it takes patience, effort, and (most importantly) practice!
Mindfulness is not magic
If you know anything about mindfulness, you’ve likely heard it’s praises sung before. There is a lot of fantastic science coming out about mindfulness, touting the benefits and backing it up with solid data. Personally, I think this is fantastic, and I agree (obviously) with the results that say everyone could benefit from a mindfulness practice. However, there’s a lot of hype too. Many people have learned that they can monetize mindfulness by promising outstanding benefits if you “Just follow these 5 Simple but Effective Steps (available in my downloadable E-Book if you just sign up for my mailing list and pay $17.95)!” Most of these are fairly harmless, and do offer some decent advice (though not all--please be careful what you click and pay for). But I caution you to not get taken for a ride. The old cliche holds up: If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. Mindfulness will probably not completely solve all your problems and make you into a perfect Zen master.
What’s holding you back from trying mindfulness?
There’s probably no way you’ve never heard the word before, and probably have some preconceived ideas about what it is. Hopefully you’re on this page because you’re interested already, but if not that’s ok. There are a lot of valid reasons to doubt mindfulness. Some that I’ve encountered are:
You’ve tried it and it didn’t do anything
This is definitely something I can understand. I tried and failed to start a meditation practice at least 3 times over the course of several years. It was an incredibly frustrating experience in which I’d try to do it the way I thought I was supposed to. Unfortunately, I quickly ran into frustrations and disappointments, and soon gave up. If this sounds familiar, I invite you to try again. It’s possible that you had not yet found a method that works for you. Maybe you just weren’t ready to attempt it with the patience and commitment required. Try to approach it with an open mind and see what’s different this time around.
Also, if you’ve tried to learn mindfulness on your own and find yourself struggling, it might be time to try one on one mindfulness training. As a mental health professional, I can help you apply mindfulness in your life in a way that will really help you use it to reduce symptoms of depression, reduce your anxiety, improve your sleep or otherwise help with your mental health.
It seems weird or stupid
More than a few people have scoffed or rolled their eyes when I’ve brought up mindfulness. Mindfulness is a bit of a self-help buzzword lately, so you might run into it everywhere, to the point where it can get a little irritating. You might associate it with groups of people you disagree with, dislike, or don’t understand. This can be a very real turn-off for people--most of us don’t want to be associated with people we believe reflect poorly on us. For other people, you’ve only seen mindfulness being practiced by monks, priests, or other spiritual leaders, and it doesn’t seem like something “normal” people can, should, or would want to do. Again I ask to be open-minded and give it a try. Once you get past the feelings of self-consciousness and judgement, you might find that you understand why so many people are drawn to mindfulness
You just don’t have time or energy
More than any other reason, this one I completely understand. As I write this, I’m in the middle of preparing to be a first-time dad and trying to start my own business. I’m very familiar with stress and lack of time. You likely have your own reasons to have very little time and energy to spend on something new. Good news! If you practice mindfulness for just 10-15 minutes a day, I’m very confident that you will notice a difference in just a few months. I don’t care how busy you are, you definitely have 10-15 minutes to spare. The trick is understanding that in order to do something new, you usually have to give something old up. Start by paying attention to how you spend your time (a mindfulness practice all on its own!) and see where you can find the time. It could be 10-15 minutes less time scrolling social media. Maybe waking up 10-15 minutes earlier. Maybe devoting 10-15 minutes on your lunch break to your practice.
Meditation vs mindfulness
You may be wondering, “Are mindfulness and meditation the same thing?” One common misconception is that “mindfulness” and “meditation” are the exact same thing. This is an understandable mistake--traditional sitting meditation is one of the most common and effective ways that people practice mindfulness.
However, there are other ways to practice mindfulness. Mindfulness is about tuning into your present reality through the windows of the senses (taste, sound, sight, smell, touch/physical sensation, and thoughts/emotions/perceptions.
You can practice while brushing your teeth, paying close attention to the doing the dishes, going for a run, even driving in the car (be careful with that last one).
Blogs about Mindfulness
Getting Started with Mindfulness Counseling in the Tulsa, OK Area
If you are interested in improving your overall mental health, mindfulness and meditation are a great way to start! As a mental health professional, I can help you apply the concepts of mindfulness in your daily life. Follow these three steps to begin therapy at Gray Matters:
Reach out to schedule an initial counseling session
Get answers to your questions about mental health counseling
Begin to live more mindfully and fully embrace your life!
Other Counseling Services at Gray Matters:
I believe that everyone has the ability to find healing, and I want to help you find that healing. My counseling practice focuses on men’s counseling, anxiety treatment, depression therapy, and LGBT counseling, among other concerns. From my Tulsa, Ok counseling office, I use acceptance and commitment therapy to help people define their values and goals, to live life with meaning and purpose. If you are ready to start your counseling journey, I am ready to help.
