As a young adult, you are facing all kinds of pressures. There are new expectations, new responsibilities and you are transitioning into new roles. As a modern young adult, you understand that all of this change can have an impact on your mental health. Whether you are grappling with anxiety or depression, life can be complex when you are in your 20’s. If you are a college student, that comes with even more changes to navigate. Some of these are what to major in and where you fit in this new world.
Here are five important conversations to have with yourself as you navigate life as a millennial. Use these as a guide or tool on your journey to self-discovery and optimal mental health.
What kind of relationship do I want to have with myself?
When we think of relationships, we often overlook the most important relationship of all--the one we have with ourselves.
A major aspect of this relationship is self-care; this includes making sure we take care of our basic needs. It is also important that we treat ourselves with empathy and compassion. This means making sure you get plenty to eat and plenty of rest, that you manage your stress and don’t wear yourself out. It also means being kind to yourself in the way you think and talk about yourself, even when you mess up.
When we start from such a compassionate place, it can make it easier to get to know ourselves in a healthy and productive way. Perhaps you’re a good writer, or good at public speaking. Maybe you tend to dominate conversations, or don’t call people back on time. Self-improvement starts with being able to reflect on both your positive and negative traits.
What kind of relationships do I want to have with others?
We have many relationships with others. In fact, feeling connected to others is one of our primary needs as a human and can help prevent symptoms of depression. Whether they are with romantic partners, friends, and family, or coworkers, classmates, and neighbors we have to look at how we want to show up. However, everyone has slightly different needs in these relationships and it’s important to know what’s important for you personally.
What are you like in these relationships as a young adult? How do these relationships affect your sense of self, your confidence, and your quality of life?
Do you feel safe and secure in your relationships? Are you able to be yourself? Do you have a lot of anxiety around others?
You learn lots of new relationship skills young adulthood
Young adulthood is a perfect time to reflect on your own experiences in relationships, and make any necessary changes.
Perhaps you need to learn how to be more assertive with others, or maybe you’re a little selfish in your relationships. You may have trouble with boundaries and allow others to take advantage of you. You also may not know how to deal with other people disliking or rejecting you.
Learning how to function in relationships is an important aspect of a healthy adult life. Fortunately, through practice it’s possible to get better at it and learn how to have healthy, meaningful relationships.
Do I have any unresolved trauma?
As a young adult, you’re trying to plan for your future. You’re trying to figure out who you’re going to be and what your life is going to look like. This is a hard enough job on its own, but is infinitely more difficult when you experienced trauma in your childhood
Trauma is very difficult in general. Understanding how it changed how you make decisions as well as how you deal with stress has a big impact on your mental health as a young adult.
Is it too late to deal with trauma?
So many people come into my office in their 30’s, 40’s, and beyond, still grappling with decades of pain from unresolved childhood trauma.
I would never say that it is “too late” for these people--far from it. However, today is always the best day to start working on trauma recovery. The truth is, the longer you wait to get help the longer that trauma continues to haunt you and affect your day to day life. The more the trauma takes from you, robbing you of joy, peace, and opportunity.
Your early 20’s are a fantastic time to work on overcoming childhood trauma. You’ll find that it is so much easier to make big, life-changing decisions when you aren’t weighed down by trauma symptoms. And you aren't getting in your own way through unhealthy coping skills.
Your young adult years are the perfect time to heal your emotional wounds and learn to deal with new stressors in a healthy, productive way.
What are my values?
If you’ve read my write-up on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, then you’re familiar with the concept of values when it comes to counseling.
However, values are more than just a buzzword to use with your therapist. Values are a way of creating a compass for yourself with which to guide you through your life.
In young adulthood, you’re faced with an enormous number of choices to make. It can be hard to know what’s right, or what’s going to benefit you the most in the long term. Values can help when you are feeling overwhelmed. When you know what you value, it's easier to make the best possible choice.
Ask yourself what’s important to you. What people and issues inspire you? What dreams did you have when you were younger? What are your morals and where do they come from? What activities, people, and experiences bring you a sense of peace and joy?
Figuring out our values is a powerful step in helping to define what kind of person you want to be and what kind of life you want to create for yourself.
Should I give young adult counseling a try?
It’s hard to narrow the questions you should be asking yourself for optimal mental health down to just 5. In fact, this list is laughably short--there are, of course, hundreds of questions you might be asking yourself about your present and future. It can be very overwhelming.
Fortunately, addressing these big questions in counseling while you are a young adult helps. Many people find it very helpful to have a non biased 3rd party helping to pick apart these questions. Counseling for young adults is an excellent way to explore who you are and discover what you want your life to be like in the future.
At my Tulsa counseling office, I enjoy helping people in their 20s and 30s grapple with and answer these questions for themselves. Counseling can help you not only answer these questions, but to address any other mental health concerns as well.
College Student Counseling in Tulsa, OK
Being a young adult is difficult. Whether you are a college student or not, you are discovering new things about yourself and how you show up in the world. Acceptance and Commitment therapy will help you navigate anxiety, depression, or simply help you live the best life you can.
TO BEGIN young adult counseling IN TULSA, OK FOLLOW THESE THREE SIMPLE STEPS:
Email me or call/text me at 918-552-0657
Schedule an intake call to discuss how counseling might help you.
Learn to confidently make decisions that are in line with your personal values.
Other Mental Health Services at Gray Matters in Tulsa, Oklahoma
At Gray Matters Counseling in Tulsa, OK I practice Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. I help people in the Tulsa area with a variety of mental health concerns, including counseling for depression and therapy for anxiety. The LGBTQ community, young adults and therapy for men are a few of my focus populations. Being a young adult is hard. You don’t have to navigate this alone. If you learn some new skills, practice mindfulness and talk things through with an ACT therapist, you can make meaningful change in your life. Email me today to learn more about how mindfulness based therapy can help you move forward, be more decisive and feel less overwhelmed.