I know I’m not alone when I say that sometimes taking good care of yourself is really hard. Most people I meet have some variety of reasons why self-care is so hard, but for me it’s the idea (and fear) of laziness.
Laziness May Actually be Stress
Most of us adopt at least a few unhealthy coping skills growing up. Avoiding the problem was always my top choice for dealing with stressors or conflict. If I felt stressed or overwhelmed, I would simply disengage.
It’s pretty tough to do much when you avoid stress and conflict, so I got called lazy on a regular basis. I was told I didn’t care as much as I should, and I often felt like I wasn’t doing nearly enough.
Is it Productivity or Anxiety?
In my early 20’s this manifested as a back-and-forth pattern. I was swinging like a pendulum from over-committing and pushing too hard, all the way back to skipping most basic responsibilities and isolating myself. One extreme was trying to prove to everyone (including myself) that I was hard-working and therefore worthwhile. On the other extreme was a total emotional shut-down. Fortunately by my late 20’s I was able to manage the self-destructive end of that spectrum. However I still bordered on being a bit of a workaholic. Needless to say, my already-existing anxiety only got worse.
Anxiety Counseling through Acceptance and Commitment Therapy
Through my therapist training (along with some good ol’ life experience) I’ve come to greatly appreciate the importance of giving yourself a break. It is important to take time to recharge, and generally just not expecting your life to be so damn orderly and figured out.
There’s a subtle wisdom in learning to be quiet and still, letting things be imperfect, and in giving yourself permission to have a little fun.
But holy crap is it hard.
You’re not Lazy. You’re Overwhelmed
The old specter of Laziness hangs around. If I sit too long I can feel it gnawing at me, picking at me, accusing me of not doing enough. Not being enough.
“Keep going.”
“You missed a spot.”
“Just one more.”
Some days I listen. I’m back on my feet, ignoring aches and weariness, washing one more dish, checking off one more checkbox on the to-do list.
The problem is that it’s never enough. The specter of Laziness doesn’t care how much I’ve done. It only cares about what else I could do. And let’s face it, there’s always something else I could do.
Give up the Ghost: Mindfulness Counseling
If you’ve read this far, I have little doubt that you have your own specter that haunts you. It talks you into making choices that aren’t good for you in the long run. I think we all do.
I think the only way to deal with ghosts like that is to let them go. I’ve clung to the idea that my worth is directly proportionate to my productivity. It’s an idea that’s pervasive throughout our culture, and it’s incredibly toxic. I’m learning to let go of those ideas and to embrace myself and my needs instead.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Helps with Overwhelm
Learning Acceptance and Commitment Therapy has taught me to make a little space for the worries, thoughts, and fears that lead me to making unhealthy choices, and not fight them so much. Instead, I let them hang around, but they don’t get to be in the driver’s seat. They don’t get to make choices for me. I get to choose based on my values, one of which is that I deserve to be taken care of. I deserve to do something other than work hard.
It’s going to take a great deal of patience and persistence, but it feels like a worthy journey so far.
I hope you’ll join me.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy for Anxiety
If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed and putting too much pressure on yourself, ACT might be a good fit for you. You can find balance and get off the ups and downs of pushing too hard and then falling apart. You don’t have to keep struggling with the same things. If you’re ready to begin anxiety counseling in the Tulsa, OK area, I’m ready to help.
To begin therapy at Gray Matters:
Email me or call/text me at 918-552-0657
Schedule an intake call to discuss the benefits of ACT counseling for anxiety.
Learn to confidently make decisions that are in line with your personal values.
Other Mental Health Services at Gray Matters in Tulsa, Oklahoma
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) is tremendously helpful for a variety of mental health concerns, including anxiety treatment and counseling for depression. Gray Matters in Tulsa, Oklahoma also serves a variety of communities including counseling for the LGBTQ community, young adults and therapy for men.
Email me today to learn more about how mindfulness based therapy can help you find balance in a fast paced society.