One of the most difficult features of anxiety is rumination. This is when your mind becomes so hyper-focused on something that it runs out of control, running over the same subject over and over again. The subject is so distressing that your mind can’t let go, trying and trying to come up with a solution. The problem is that the mind runs in circles, repeats itself, and refuses to settle.
This can, of course, be very distracting, especially when you’re trying to focus on a task or activity but your mind is elsewhere. You try to focus on what you’re doing, but your mind keeps slipping back to that other concern. It’s easy to become frustrated with yourself, even angry. This, of course, only makes the rumination worse.
Rather than fight with the rumination, it can be helpful to learn ways of listening to your anxiety and engaging other parts of your brain.
A few nights ago, I was struggling to fall asleep. I have a handful of breathing exercises that I use to relax my body and mind so I can fall asleep, but on this night they weren’t helping. I was stressed about something, and my mind kept coming back to it. Every few minutes I would realize I was ruminating again, that I’d been imagining causes and consequences of the problem, that I’d been stressing about what I needed to do to address the problem. My mind was running in circles, and I wasn’t falling asleep
So I practiced a mindfulness technique, one that I call “Right Now?”
First, ask yourself, “Can I do something about this right now?”
Second, ask yourself, “Do I want to do something about this right now?”
If the answer is yes to both questions, get up immediately and go do it right now.
Unload the dishwasher. Write that email. Run that errand. If you are capable of addressing an issue and willing to do so, it’s good to get out of your own way and just get it done.
It’s important to follow the “get up immediately” part. The physical act of movement is important here. Once you’re up, you have some momentum that can carry you toward the thing you want to do. You might find that all the anxiety you feel during rumination isn’t quite so disabling once you begin to act.
If the answer is no to either question, then it’s time to find a way to let go of the concern. There are good reasons for this:
If you’re not capable of doing something about a problem, then rumination about it is robbing you of this moment for no good reason. Lying in bed for hours stressing doesn’t do anything to address the problem, but it certainly means you’re more exhausted the next day. You’ll likely be even more stressed tomorrow, and less effective when you actually do try to address the problem. Rumination is a thief of our time, our energy, and our peace.
Just because you’re capable of addressing the problem doesn’t mean you have to. If you’re unwilling to stop what you’re doing to address the problem, that’s ok. Trying to force yourself to do something you sincerely do not want to do will only make you feel bad, and you might make the problem worse.
There are many exercises meant to help let go of thoughts and feelings, but one of my favorites is “Clouds in the Sky”
Imagine yourself sitting somewhere outside, somewhere peaceful. It can be a field, or a park, or your backyard. Anywhere you can see the sky.
Imagine yourself looking up at the sky, and watching the big fluffy clouds drift by slowly.
As you breathe, you will likely experience thoughts and feelings. The problem you’ve been ruminating about will appear in your mind.
When this happens, imagine the problem is inside one of those big, fluffy, white clouds. Whatever images you see, whatever feelings you feel, imagine them all contained within a single cloud floating over your head.
Now watch the cloud drift away. You don’t have to do anything special to make it go away. The clouds are moving all by themselves. You just have to watch and each one will eventually fade into the distance.
As you watch, the rumination will likely try to start again. More thoughts and feelings will pop into your mind. When they do, simply repeat the exercise. Imagine those thoughts and feelings in another cloud, and watch it drift away.
You might have to repeat this exercise for a while, and it might not work every time, but with enough patience, you might find that your body relaxes and your mind calms down.
The rumination quiets, and you’re able to get back to what you were doing.